I am an italian boy of about 30 years.
Since I was 14-15 years old I started to suffer from strong anticipatory anxiety in football matches (role of goalkeeper).
I brought this "anxiety" to real life, therefore, with connected fears and concerns that I saw only myself.
Social phobia, shyness, inability to support a language, inability to support people's gaze, always feeling undefeated and out of place.
I have always had great difficulties in math at school and learning in general, but not in reading.
I did not have any childhood trauma.
I WAS TO DO THINGS TO OTHERS FOR ME.
Procrastinating things and taking no responsibility. No work, incapacity to focus, concentration, shift attention from one thing to another for me impossible (i think for the Dopamine low, or receptor is correlate to ADHD/ADD problems). And another, thinking very low. No empathy or collaboration with other people.
At 18 years going to the gym with great result phisyque and more relaxed mind but after 1 years not more motivation because progress stall. Not know any of nutrition and training tecnique but result very good for ectomorph type.
At 20/21 start to taking Antidepressant for 6-7 month continuously. Not remember precise dosage for everyone but i use: Fluvoxamine, Fluoexetine, Paroxetine, Serenase.
Not alle in same time, but icseem to remember i use more combination and very high dosage.
My idea is after discovering this forum and surfing the web is that I already had a high serotonin base and SSRI they did worse.
After 6-7 month i stopped (my decision) and at 22 years start Intermittent fasting. In the first, amazing benefits, lucid mind, focus, energy, determination , very nice contact with other people and life. Body awesome with lose fat and buil muscle with only body weight training.
After 3 month, start the problems. Metabolism / body not response to calories ( i never count the calories during IF and eat very much) but i see the critical situation and start o count. More craving to foods (salts and sweet), more binge eating.
Mind with total sympthom of several Dopamine downregulation, no face expression, more puffy, difficulty to centrate, mutlitasking, thinking very low, inability to move the eyes and many more.
From 23 to 26 years old I have spent my life living together, or rather, surviving without hopre.
I take more drugs with doctor: Zoloft, Efexor, Abilify, Brintellix, Xanax...only nausea , anhedonia, and vomit.
Now, the situation is little better with self medication with life style and medication with nootropics and diet but not 100%.
My blood work in general is on range and ok, Testosterone not much better but i think possibility to back in normal state. Cortisol and thyroid ok. Insulin ok, glucose ok. Liver ok, vitamin ok.
In two last years take Theanine, NALT, Phenylpiracetam (with this is amazing, resolve ALL, but tollerance very fast and effect only 3 hours), Forskolin about 2 week, uridine same but now stopped, Sulbutiamine...i'm focus to dopamine up to downregulation serotonine. ( i order magnolia extract). I think acetylcoline is good, and gaba little now. Every day 15 minutes of slow breath same Yoga.
Diet is more variety. Meat, Eggs, Yogurt, cheese, oats, potatos, cocoa, milk, bread whole, fish.
Update this post with other details and sorry for english, i use translate.
Any help really appreciate.
EDIT: No fap from one weeks with good benefits.